Being Grateful 7, 8 and 9

Hindsight enables us to be glib, it also enables us to learn. I’m still hoping for the latter.

Blossom+sumptuous architecture

Blossom+sumptuous architecture

The glorious Southbank

The glorious Southbank

Sunny sunshiney

Sunny sunshiney

It's a goat!

It’s a goat!

Grateful being friends with my ex

Grateful being friends with my ex

Gift my nephew made

Gift my nephew made

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been struggling the last week or so – looking back, the signs were there. After c. 30 years of attempting to manage a mental illness, you would have thought I’d recognise signs of the ‘creeping dread’… Things came to head literally and metaphorically with a particularly unpleasant eye infection.

Not bad on its own but, as anyone knows who has tangoed with mental illness, that’s really not the point. Things that you can usually cope with become a slog and add to the difficulty that depression et al can give.

Cafe standing the test of time

Cafe standing the test of time

Beautiful bag

Beautiful bag

Bein with my niece and nephew

Bein with my niece and nephew

Colours amongst the grey

Colours amongst the grey

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Swirly twirly signs

Swirly twirly signs

Crocus - harbinger of Spring

Crocus – harbinger of Spring

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I *know* this is a phase, I *know* it will pass, but it’s a hideous, upsetting experience that makes me want to crawl under the duvet, ball my eyes out and ignore the world. The eye infection became an outward illustration of how I felt about myself, and it wasn’t pretty. I know the tricks – this gratitude process is one of them – but it became a major effort to even leave home and the effort drained me. Perceived slights from friends increased my isolation and further strengthened the negative thoughts I held/hold about myself.

This wading through treacle has made me (re)realise that I need to reach out; now is seriously not the time to hibernate, self harm in whichever way currently seems appropriate – but to pick up the phone and connect with friends. This has meant that I’ve had to be more truthful than usual – previously I could just say ‘wanna get a beer?’ – but this time I’ve had to be honest, actually *say* that I’m struggling and that even a quick catch-up would work wonders.

That honesty has paid off. The duvet is still calling me, but it’s put down its megaphone. And hopefully, now those friends understand, the next time will be easier.

Being close to water

Being close to water

Thrill I still get of being in a hotel room

Thrill I still get of being in a hotel room

A friend that gives me the smiles

A friend that gives me the smiles

Beautiful architecture

Beautiful architecture

My annoying (loveable) cat

My annoying (loveable) cat

Green ghost

Green ghost

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you have a mental illness or know someone who has, I encourage you to check out Mind‘s campaign of Time to Talk – it explains the power of checking in on a friend with a quick call, text, tweet, Facebook post, email, whatever. It can make all the difference.

Man and nature

Man and nature

Spring is springing

Spring is springing

Underneath the wobbly bridge

Underneath the wobbly bridge

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This book gave my the words to describe my depression

This book gave my the words to describe my depression

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About richienglish

I'm a photographer with a predilection for death, sexuality, mental health and odd stuff. Say hi, I like chatting.
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2 Responses to Being Grateful 7, 8 and 9

  1. Hello lovely, thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us, its so important that we talk about it and not feel shame around it – its too blooming common! I’m glad you asked for help, you have so many people who would love you and would to help (inc me) so please always reach out from under that duvet. And keep cuddling the cat. See you soon lots of love xx

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